Lara Bingle: an untapped resource

Lara Bingers must be a national treasure: Tourism Australia chose her to be the face of our bloody nation, surely that has to count for something? (?) But like many of our national goodies, Bingle is being managed ineffectively. Compared with some of the celebrities around the world, Bingle is actually pretty good (everything’s relative!) – she is a more or less normal Sydney girl and as we have seen from her show (it was only your duty to our glorious nation to watch), she is harmless.

So what are the managers of Lara Bingle (and Tourism Australia) getting wrong? Let’s see:

SEX TAPE

I’m not trying to¬† be a bully. I don’t hate Lara Bingle. But scientific research shows that sex tapes stop recessions. All the American celebs are doing it, and it WORKS. The ol’ razzle dazzle in the trazzle tape. Lara has no sex tape yet (yawn) and it is high time for the Bingle jingle. When will we all learn that sex tapes work wonders between but also beyond the sheets?

The multi-million dollar ‘where the bloody hell are ya’ campaign was a flop. Oprah Winfrey was a flop (and has been rather floppy for the last few years). “Wake up and smell the coffee; Tourism Australia has a problem with its floppy.”

If Tourism Australia cut the crap about our stunning crags and stopped trying to polish our hideous history, and got raunchy in the sack with Bingle, the benefits would literally roll in to bed, into every nook and cranny. Don’t deny yourself, Australia, that perkiness that you so badly need.

“We need to be moving forward. We had the stimulus package, now we need something more naughty” ~ J.Gills

MARKETABILITY

Lara would be in need of some video equiptment for the Reality TV show … has no one noticed that ‘Bingle’ is only one letter away from ‘Bing Lee’? Just putting it out there.

Otherwise, I’m sure Dick Smith could somehow be tied into the wondrous national excitement. Yes, let your imagination run wild like a bush pig.

No fragrance has been launched yet. But ‘Tingle’, by Bingle, could be launched in conjunction with the Tourism Australia sex tape. (i’m on such a roll tonight, and you should be too)

FAMILY BACKGROUND

‘Being Lara Bingle’. Wouldn’t you rather watch ‘Lara Bingle: Rich and Swedish’?

You see, Kim Kardashian has the Armenian background raking in the dosh; Paris has the money and the hotels. Bingle’s background, while perfectly acceptable, lacks that certain je ne sais quoi, that excess or struggle that interests viewers. White lies never do any harm, do they? Maybe another alternative show would be some sort of Lara Bingle survival game where she is placed a la Bear Grylls in the middle of nowhere and has to show us how she survived off bush lemons. Could be a good way of showing the world the beauty and terror of the Australian countryside.

We as Australians have been on struggle street since day one of this country; we’re all struggling, Bingle is struggling and Tourism Australia is struggling. More and more, we need to see what things could be & not just what they are.

Hope I have got your (creative) juices going.


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One Response to Lara Bingle: an untapped resource

  1. anna zarasyan says:

    ‘we need to see what things could be & not just what they are’, but somehow in australia it is always more about what could have been…

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