Wynyard, Town Hall & Central bringing sexy back?

~ St. Pancras Station, London

~ Wuhan Railway Station, China

Train stations around the world are getting made over and are looking stunning. So why is CityRail being such a fat slob? Gladys, is there a schedule for Wynyard, Town Hall and/or Central to bring sexy back?

WYNYARD

‘Sydney’s Cinderella’. I feel sorry for Wynyard. Wynyard is in rags, in the basement and very busy (but certainly not scrubbing). And I have no doubt that she is accompanied by many furry friends. Well, all I can say is that it’s time Cinderella came to the ball. Cinderella needs to have a wash, put on some bling and get her hair did. And she better get her shit together real quick because Barangaroo is coming, & it ain’t no pumpkin coach (truly, I wish it were, would frankly be better for everyone).

Thank goodness that Wynyard has her asian friend, Hunter Connection. Hunter Connection might not have the prospects of Cinders, but the support is there in the form of cheap asian food and good feng shui, letting the chi in.

TOWN HALL

Forty degrees, steamy, standing (because you can’t ever sit), crouching, stretching. Now, I’m pretty sure that Town Hall in summer sounds like prime conditions for Bikram Yoga. Why doesn’t Gladys Berejiklian do something useful for once and pay for an instructor on each platform? That, or like in Frankfurt Airport, just send in the clowns? Would go down a treat. Barry O’Farrell claims in media reports to have lost a few kilos in the summer heat of Town Hall. But then I guess he stopped catching the train …

Hot trains and sticky stations seem to have resulted in a global movement to wear fewer clothes when commuting. I urge anyone out there to ‘sympathise’ with the Sydney No Pants Subway Ride as soon as the carriages become a bit sultry (for whatever reason):

There are only two billion tunnels in and out of Town Hall and some of them may lead to an ambush of Town Hall steps ‘folk’ – goths, freaks in general or people on blind dates (and love, like violence, is blind). Follow someone normal like me and you should be fine. Trust me.

“Define ‘rapid’, sweetie-pie” ~ Gladys Berejiklian

CENTRAL

Central, the station that connects to the light rail that no one wants to use … I’m guessing that Central was called so as a part of a tourism conspiracy to attract backpackers to the nether regions of the city. That or people from the country named it.

But I do appreciate that Central has staged a flash mob of Irish river dancers for Tourism Ireland (and probably because there were so many Irish backpackers available in the immediate vicinity). I can’t think of anything better than a flash mob of river dancers at peak hour in one of Sydney’s busiest stations (not that busy in the scheme of things). Why not? Why not airports too, on tarmacs, nation-wide? Let’s plan a bright future for our children.

 


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