David Jones Birthday letter

David Jones birthday

Dear David Jones customers,

Especially DJs AmEx Credit Card holders!

We just wanted to thank you for all your support over the years as David Jones celebrates its 175th birthday. It has been a pleasure to offer you great little goodies since 1838. We have had a rich history, and we hope to have an even richer future – with your solid financial help.

To celebrate David Jones’s Birthday:

  • We are tackling staff snobbery head on, by sacking as many staff as possible without stores having to close. Who needs customer service when you have a DJs AmEx Credit Card? Shop online today;
  • We are having CHAMPAGNE SHOWERS in our head office for every DJs AmEx card activated, because we are spontaneous and because every card is securing us from any other million-dollar sexual harassment lawsuit – like the one involving previous CEO Mark McInness – that may be still lurking around level 8;
  • We are forcing as many clothing brands to become concessions as possible, so we don’t have to do jack and can just concentrate on the benjamins;

As you can imagine, this is a special day, our 175th birthday, where we celebrate continued success. And moolah. And credit cards, that rake in the moolah.

Here is a little photo of our Megan at our birthday party recently:

David Jones birthday

We don’t really care about Megan. We don’t really care about clothes, or any of that crap. However, we do care that Megan’s dress is blue, like the AmEx logo. That is very interesting and we suggest you dwell on that for a while.

Did you know that even back in 1838, when Mr. Jones established the company, he loved credit cards and wished one day that all his customers could use a DJs AmEx credit card?

We found a record of this “credit card vision” for David Jones in his personal journal, which is kept in our archives. Just call customer service in order to obtain a copy very swiftly. In any case, you don’t need to, because you can understand that this makes perfect sense – the logic is all there.

Do you know a fun fact? Miranda Kerr lurrrves Orlando Bloom. And her DJs AmEx Credit Card! You could be like Miranda Kerr too!

If you are a loyal customer since way back, or even if you’ve never been to David Jones, we don’t care. As long as you celebrate our birthday with us, by applying for a DJs AmEx card today.

We shall not accept letters, flowers or chocolates, or anything traditional. Any gift you send us will be just bullshit and insulting. We will stamp on it and then put in the bin.

Thank you,

Please fill in the attached “celebration” form,

P-Zizz

CEO

David Jones

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